Do you ever feel like it’s just too hard to find time in your busy schedule for a date night?
Between work, social activities, house projects, yard work and just normal life commitments, carving out a night every week, every other week or even once a month can be tough. And when you have kiddos it adds an extra layer of complexity and financial investment to finding and paying a babysitter. It’s anything but easy.
The Date Night Investment
But notice I said “investment”? If you don’t make time to grow together, you will grow apart. After almost 10 years of marriage, we can confidently say that marriages don’t succeed by accident. Which is why we are STRONG proponents of dating your spouse. We try to keep a standing date night on the calendar once a week.
It doesn’t have to be expensive or fancy to continue dating your spouse. We are super cheap. Plus we both love a date night at-home. So our date nights usually look like putting our kiddo down early and choosing one of the date-night-in options. We have other friends who self-admittedly can’t handle a date night at home because they will only see the dishes in the sink and laundry left to fold and won’t be able to focus on their spouse.
Our Ground Rules for Date Nights
We’ve included ideas here for date nights both in and out of the home. The most important is to set ground rules ahead of time about what you both want out of your date. Here are a few of our ground rules for date-night:
- No technology.
- We always put our phones on silent and put them away so we can give each other undivided attention. Our only exception is if we go out and have a babysitter, one of us will need to be reachable (make sure it’s the spouse who is less likely to be sucked into the technology vortex).
- Plan the date ahead of time.
- One of my (Liz)’s biggest pet peeves is when we spend (in my mind “waste”) the first part of our date time deciding what to do. Plus planning the date ahead of time gives you more time to look forward to and anticipate your time together.
- Off-limits topics.
- If we’re in a season of disagreeing about something and it’s healthy to table it until another time, we always try to do so. We don’t want to waste our date fighting. Housekeeping/admin topics like adding to the grocery list, coordinating school drop off/pick-up, and sending a birthday card to your mother can all wait till another time.
- We also try to minimize talking about our kiddo. Kids are a big part of your life so the topic is bound to come up. But we don’t want to spend our entire date talking about the funny thing he did today or we would miss the benefits of getting to know each other better.
Date Night Ideas: Out & about
Go to the Dollar Theatre – $ Cheap
Get online and search for “dollar theatre” and the name of your town. You can often find movies that have just recently left theaters. Or maybe some fun old classics are playing. For $5 you can get tickets for yourself and your spouse and snacks. Can’t beat that!
Go for a Walk – $ Free
Find a place in your city that you love and go there together. Is there a picturesque lake, pond or nature trail near you? Or a path weaving through historic city blocks? Or are you a short distance away from a beach you could stroll hand-in-hand? No matter where you live, you’re bound to have a scenic walk right outside (or at least near) your front door. Bring along our questions to “date your spouse” and you can get to know your husband or wife better as you stroll.
Have a Fitness Date – $ Free or Cheap
I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but we love working out side by side. There’s something about making it to the end of a hard workout together that reinforces the fact that you’re a team. It is super bonding. Plus, when you release endorphins while working out, you’re bound to end your date on a happy note. This date is free if you both have gym memberships or if you do an at home workout together. It’s cheap if one or both of you buys a day pass to a local gym. As a bonus, many gyms have a pool, hot tub, steam room and/or sauna. End your date relaxing in the hot tub or sweating it out in the sauna while you chat through some of our “date your spouse” questions.
If you’re working out at home, here are a few or our favorite workout videos you can find for free online:
- Fitness blender HIIT for people who get bored easily: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbbZBtdd20U&t=18s
- Fitness blender fat burning HIIT cardio workout: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QOHJTIIfs9g
- Fitness Blender Brutal HIIT ladder workout: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZnsLVArIt8&t=9s
- PopSugar Tabata to Burn Serious Calories: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIeCMhNWFQQ
- PopSugar Hip-hop Tabata: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwkXyHjgoDM
Try a New Restaurant – $ Optionally Cheap
Is there a restaurant in your town you’ve been dying to try? Up the ante on this one by each finding two or three options and then choosing a couple restaurants together. Make it into a progressive dinner and grab appetizers at one location, dinner at another and finish the night with dessert at a third place.
Relive Your Childhood Together – $ Cheap
Visit an amusement park, trampoline park, bowling alley, pool or other typically childish attraction. It is remarkably freeing to throw caution to the wind and let your inner child play! You’re bound to laugh together on this date.
Recreate One of Your Favorite Dates From When You Were Dating – $ Free or Cheap
This one could take a decent amount of planning, but is so fun to do together, especially if one of you plans it and surprises the other. Try to recreate every aspect of the date as if you were still dating. You are sure to realize how much you’ve grown as a couple.
Chase the Sunset – $ Free
This is exactly what it sounds like. Pack a picnic, your favorite beverage, grab our “date your spouse” questions, hop in the car about 20-30 minutes before sunset and start driving. Head towards the west and park when you find somewhere with a good view of the sunset. Eat your picnic dinner, enjoy each other’s company and watch the sun go down.
Date Night Ideas: Staying in
Watch a Movie at Home
We have to be careful with this one. It’s easy to fall into the trap of getting to 8pm and just mindlessly flipping through Netflix for an hour before finding a movie to agree on. That doesn’t feel like an intentional date night! When we watch a movie at home, we agree to check Netflix and Amazon Prime ahead of time to choose the movie. Bonus: when you choose the movie together and ahead of time, it gives you more time to look forward to and anticipate your date. As a side note, if you aren’t an Amazon Prime member yet, jump on that. It saves us so much money on everything from toiletries and cleaning supplies to kid activities to clothes. Each Prime membership comes with access to video streaming, perfect for date nights such as this. You can get a free trial of Amazon Prime here.
Try Something New in the Kitchen
Choose a recipe that you have never made before and maybe one that requires you to learn a new skill in the kitchen. Have fun experimenting together!
Here are a few of our favorite recipes to make together:
Learn a skill together
Is there something you have both always wanted to learn? There are so many new things to learn on https://www.skillshare.com. Or you could take on a home project together. (Note: if you don’t work well on renovation projects together, maybe don’t consider that for a date night.)
Here are a few of our favorites:
Watch Through a Saga or TV Series Together
This one is similar to watching a movie at home, but it can be fun to have a saga (like Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars or the Marvel movies). Or a show (we are comedy people so some of our favorites are: FRIENDS, Parks & Rec, the Office, and Modern Family) that you are going through together. In a weird way it’s quite bonding to have a saga or series that is “yours” together.
Make a Fort in Your Living Room
Use what you have. Blankets, sheets, and twinkle lights if you want to make it more festive. Maybe even a tent and sleeping bags. This can be combined with eating the dinner or dessert you just whipped up, watching a movie, talking through some of our “date your spouse questions” or simply being together.
Roast S’mores
Install our easy DIY firepit and you can incorporate bonfires into your date nights. Don’t forget to arm yourself with some marshmallows, graham crackers, chocolate and roasting sticks! Another great venue for going through our “date your spouse” questions.
Read Through a Book Together
You could choose a book on marriage, a mystery, a romance, whatever floats your boat. Take turns reading chapters to each other. It can be super romantic.
Take a Bath Together
Not trying to get weird. But if your bathtub is big enough, go for a warm (or scalding hot, whatever you’re into) tub with smell good epsom salts or bubble bath. Don’t forget to fold up a towel for each of you to lay your heads on to prevent getting a crick in your neck. Bring your beverage of choice, whether wine or hot chocolate, and our date your spouse questions or a book to read together. Our favorite tip: Bring a hot water kettle and keep it near the tub. Add more hot water when the water starts to get lukewarm to extend your bathing adventure.
Do a Puzzle Together
Unite behind a common cause and vow to finish a challenging puzzle over the course of your date night. Or use this fun puzzle date night box if you want to battle a little.
Have an In-Home Spa Date Night
I know on the surface mud masks and facials aren’t everyone’s cup of tea, but who doesn’t love a relaxing foot soak or a massage? Pro-tip: wet some washcloths, roll them up and put them in your slow cooker for an hour or two beforehand for a warm towel treat. We love to snuggle up on the couch and soak our feet in a bin of warm water and epsom salts.
Do a mud mask if you choose. After your mud mask has set, put a warm crockpot washcloth on your face, lay your head back and chill out for a few minutes. Not only will you be super relaxed, but it will be easier to wipe off your mud mask. Keep a towel handy for your feet when you step out of the tub. Finish with some lotion for your feet and treat each other to a foot rub if you’re into that.
Play a Game
We have a few date night go-to games. We love using a deck of cards to play Rummy or Nertz. This at-home escape room idea is fun too. For two player games, we also love Sushi Go, Rivals for Catan, Jenga, Machi Koro or Ticket to Ride.
30 Questions to Intentionally Date Your Spouse
What is your favorite memory of dating me?
What is something I do that makes you feel safe/protected/secure?
What is your favorite thing about my personality?
What is your favorite thing about me physically?
What are the 3 things you are MOST excited for in this coming year?
What are the 3 things you anticipate to be the biggest challenges in the coming year?
Where do you see us and our family being in 5 years?
If you didn’t have to work, what would you do with your days?
What are 2 of your biggest personal dreams?
What are 2 of your biggest dreams for our life together?
What is something I do that makes you feel honored and prioritized?
Where have you always wanted to travel?
Describe your ideal weekend.
What did you want to be when you were growing up?
What’s the most adventurous thing you’ve ever done?
How can I make you feel most loved when you get home from work and/or at the end of the day?
What is one thing I could do to make you feel more loved in the midst of a conflict or fight?
What is one thing you wish I would do (or we would implement as a family)?
What is one skill you most want to learn?
What was the most embarrassing moment of your life?
What is your biggest regret?
What is one thing you wish we would to together?
What is one thing I could do to help support your mental health?
What accomplishment are you most proud of?
If you had an extra $1000 to spend on yourself, what would you do with it?
What is your favorite thing about our relationship?
What made you know I was the one for you?
Describe your dream vacation.
What are three reasons you feel grateful for me?
What were three of the happiest moments in your life?
